And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
