Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
