I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
