I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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