You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
