just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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