Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
