so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
