you mean i was at the winter classic?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
