Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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