ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
