You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
