No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
