I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
