TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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