I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
