I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
