Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
