I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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