Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
