Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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