I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
