You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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