Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
