Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
