Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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