apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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