I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
