Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
