Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
