We named our party play list daddy issues
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
