Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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