why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
