You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
