you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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