There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
