theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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