So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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