I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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