I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
