Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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