Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
hell yes lets make some ravioli
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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