I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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