LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Please don't give away my fajitas
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
