I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
