dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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