It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
