:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
