they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
