Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
