we have pet lesbian snakes
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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