she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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