maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
