We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Everything about him screamed your future.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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