I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
