3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
