Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
