If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
